I finally gave up the last little teeny tiny part of me that thought that MAYBE someday I might have another child. I sold my glider (rocking chair) on craigslist tonight.
I had no problems getting rid of Rugrat's crib, his changing table, his stroller (well, actually, that filthy thing is still in the garage because I couldn't even GIVE it away). Baby clothes? Gone, for the most part - I kept a few things for sentimental reasons, but handed down the rest of his barely-worn, gorgeous baby clothes. I was the first one to have a baby in my group - everyone else came after. And almost all of those babies were boys, so my hand-me-downs were always in demand among the sisters-in-law and friends. Baby toys were disposed of too, given to cousins or donated to charities.
But I held on to the glider. I had such lovely memories of holding my little infant Rugrat, nursing him, rocking him, singing to him. Sitting upright, rocking in the middle of the night, asleep - both of us. It's amazing that you can actually continue to rock the chair and be sound asleep at the same time, but I'm sure I'm not the only mother who's done it. When he got a wee bit older, we'd snuggle up in the chair to read bedtime stories.
Time marched on, and Rugrat got too big for us to share the chair anymore (without my legs falling asleep, that is). So the chair sat, unused, in his room until we moved two years ago. Then the chair migrated to MY room. I had some fleeting idea about it being a "reading chair" because it's so comfortable. But when I read in my bedroom, I read in bed. And the chair ended up just holding stacks of clean clothes.
Why did I keep the chair for so long? I kept thinking that someday I might meet someone and get married. And someday we might decide that it would be totally cool to have a baby together. And if that happened - if I somehow changed my mind and thought, "OK, it would be fine to have another baby. I could totally live through another twelve months of being a braindead zombie. I could totally put up with a few more years of diapers and tantrums and whining and picky eating and the nonstop physical and emotional drain," if I REALLY TRULY believed that...then I'd want to have a glider. So I held on to it for way longer than I should have.
And now it's gone. That last little bit of Rugrat's infancy. That last little link to breastfeeding, which was totally the best (and worst) part of the first six months of his life. So I'm a little sad. But still, it's good to move on.
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2 comments:
Hi there,matriarch of the grandkids! Tis indded hard to part with the sweet mementos of our babes,when they were babes...The memories will not go out with the rocking chair, as you've already learned. Of such memories are our histories made, n'est-ce pas? I could(some say I should) write a huge book about all of you, from your Mom on to the little ones nesting within Missy...But, right now, I'm busy saving the world...so the book will have to wait...Know that you and your boy are beloved members of this quite large famikly, and YOUR memorries are part of the tapestry that is us....Much love, dear lady,,and it's REALLY good to hear from you:):)
WHAT?!?YOU SOLD THE GLIDER THAT I
(YOUR BEAUTIFUL, AWESOME MOTHER) BOUGHT FOR YOU WHEN RYAN WAS BORN!!!HOW COULD YOU? APPARENTLY YOU DO NOT HOLD ON TO SENTIMENTAL MEMORIES AS LONG AS I DO--I STILL
HAVE THE ROCKING CHAIR THAT YOUR GRAMMA BOUGHT FOR ME WHEN YOU WERE BORN!!!REMIND ME SOMEDAY TO TELL YOU WHY I STILL HOLD ON TO IT--A VERY LONG STORY. AS FOR GRAMMA WRITING A BOOK--WELL--HMM--MEMORIES DO INDEED FADE; EVEN THOSE PERTAINING TO HOW LONG & PAINFUL LABOR CAN BE!!! I'M SURE THE ONLY MEMORIES SHE HAS OF OUR FAMILY ARE THE GOOD ONES AND IF THAT'S SO, THEN SHE'S A FAR BETTER WOMAN THAN I AM. ANYWAY--GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU ARE SHARPENING YOUR LITERARY SKILLS--YOUR BLURBS NOT
HALF BAD..LOL~~~MOM~~
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